


Double Date

by Queen_in_the_North



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Date Night, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Jon is done with all of this, Multi, So is Bruce, not to be taken at all seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11630652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_in_the_North/pseuds/Queen_in_the_North
Summary: The things Jonathan does for love.





	Double Date

**Author's Note:**

> And I'm back! I saw this prompt for a Scriddler and Harl/Ivy double date and naturally, this is where my mind went with it.

The engines on the Batmobile roared as the car sped down Gotham City's streets. It had been a relatively quiet night for once. Bruce only had to contend with an armed robbery, three muggings and Firefly setting an organic bakery on fire. As far as Gotham went, tonight was practically uneventful. The sound of his car phone ringing drew Bruce out of his musings. He pressed the button to take the call. "Yes Alfred?"

_"All well, Master Bruce?"_

"It's quiet on my end now. Have you heard from Dick and Damian?"

_"I received a status report from Master Dick just before I called you sir. Nothing much to report from the East End. They are on their way back to Wayne Manor as I speak."_

Bruce considered this. "And Tim, Cassandra and Stephanie?"

" _They've been back for over an hour. Shall we be expecting you back shortly as well?"_

Bruce's eyes went to the dashboard clock. It was 2:30 am. He couldn't remember the last time he'd returned from patrol before 4 am. He didn't like to leave Gotham unprotected for even an hour at night, but if things remained this quiet...

"I'll take one last loop around the Bowery then head back."

_"Excellent sir. Perhaps we can all have breakfast together tomorrow morning."_

Bruce was about to answer when another voice broke in over his communication feed.  _"Bruce?"_

"Hold on just one moment Alfred," Bruce said as he switched his attention. "What is it Oracle?"

_"GCPD just got word of a disturbance at a Wall E. Weasels in the Diamond District. Apparently, the night shift guard was attacked by giant vines and...fear toxin?"_

_"Vines and fear toxin?"_ Alfred asked.  _"Could Poison Ivy and the Scarecrow be teaming up? At a Wall E. Weasels? Why?"_

Bruce's eyes narrowed. He had a good idea what was going on. "Alfred, I'm going to check it out. Tell Dick and Damian to meet me there."

 _"Of course sir. Do be careful."_ He hung up as Bruce revved the engines. Bruce grit his teeth as he drove towards the restaurant.

"Not. Again."

* * *

Jonathan sat at a checkered table with his arms crossed, glaring at his green clad companion. Edward for his part, picked at the plastic tablecloth somewhat sheepishly. "Of all the ridiculous whims that you have subjected me to," Jonathan began with a hard edge to his voice. "This is without a doubt, the very worst."

"In my defense," Edward started. "It was Harley's turn to pick the venue. If I had my way, we would have-"

"I'm not talking to you." Jonathan hissed. He turned his attention to their surroundings and his mood grew fouler, if that was even possible. Jonathan was very much not one for public venues, preferring to spend nights in. Alone. When he did deign to indulge Edward and go out, he much preferred quiet places, or that Italian restaurant Edward enjoyed. A Wall. E. Weasels however? Jonathan would not wish this place on his long dead Grandmother Keeny. The decor was atrocious, the floors were sticky and the food didn't seem like it could pass muster in Arkham, let alone the Health Department. As for the general upkeep of the place...well, even as someone who was admittedly lax with his housekeeping as Jonathan was appalled. Since the moment he walked through the doors of this fluorescent nightmare, Jonathan was plotting the best way to eradicate it. A high pitched whooping noise brought Jonathan out of his dark musings and back to the present. At least he didn't have to suffer through this alone.  

Ivy was sitting at the table next to them, watching Harley as she came back with a roll of tickets. If anything, she looked just as unhappy to be here as Jonathan, a fact which made him happy. Harley dropped her tickets on the table and leaned down to give Ivy a peck on the cheek. She then turned to Jonathan and Edward with a wide grin on her face.

"Hey Mistah E! Professah Crane! Wanna join me in the arcade?"

Next to him, Edward rolled his eyes. "Please. Those childish games are completely beneath me."

Harley's grin faltered for a second, but a sneaky look came on her face. Jonathan knew the next words that would come out of her mouth before she spoke them.

"Betcha you can't beat my high score at Space Invaders," she said in a sing song tone.

Edward's eye twitched. Jonathan knew that Edward could tell he was being manipulated, but the other man's ego couldn't resist a challenge. "You're on," he said getting out of his seat and following her into the arcade. Jonathan watched him go with a glare. The least Edward could do was suffer this _with_ him, instead of caving to Harley's whims.

"Enjoying yourself Professor?"

Jonathan looked at Ivy. Her earlier look of distaste had been replaced with a smirk. Jonathan hated it. "About as much as you are, I imagine Dr. Isley," he answered. Jonathan leaned back in his chair and looked up towards the ceiling. He narrowed his eyes at the unholy glare of the lighting and he looked back towards Ivy. "Why I even bother accompanying Edward on these _outings_ is beyond me."

"The same reason I'm here with Harley I imagine," she replied. "Because it makes him happy."

Edward and Harley had come up with the idea of these excursions six months ago, the last time all four of them had been in Arkham. Jonathan had thought it a ridiculous idea and told Edward has much, but was compelled to go along at least one time because a happy Edward was easier to deal with than a nagging, whiny Edward. "You must have me mistaken with someone capable of sentimentality Dr. Isley. I do not make any decisions based on what might make Edward happy."

Ivy scoffed. "Really? So I suppose it was a coincidence that you used your toxin to clear out that fancy restaurant he wanted to go to on his birthday?"

Jonathan felt his face redden a bit. He should have known Edward wouldn't be able to resist telling others about that. "I happen to know for a fact that you once stole a penguin from Cobblepot for Harley."

Ivy merely shrugged. There were times that Jonathan wondered if she was even capable of embarrassment. "I'm just as much of a misanthrope as you Professor Crane. More so even. But I'm also honest about not being above all petty human emotions." She looked towards the arcade where Edward and Harley were hunched over an ancient looking game console. Jonathan could make out the two of the alternately between friendly banter and competitive bickering. Harley made a joyful whoop and jumped in the air, proclaiming her victory. From the corner of his eye, Jonathan could see a fond smile form on Ivy's face. The two of them made it back to their partners, Harley's face in a delighted grin, Edward's in a sulky pout.

"All hail Harley, Queen of the Arcade!" Harley crowed, making her way into Ivy's lap. She wrapped her arms around her girlfriend's neck and nuzzled her nose. "Let's go to the gift stand! I think I got enough tickets to get ya that stuffed bear Red!"

Ivy rolled her eyes in a good natured way. "Harley, there's no one else here. We can take anything we want."

Harley groaned. "But Red, that's cheating! Earning the tickets is half the fun, right Eddie?"

From the seat beside Jonathan's, Edward responded with a huff, obviously still sore about losing to her. Harley jumped off of Ivy's lap and grabbed her hand. "Come on Red!" Ivy got up and followed her enthusiastic girlfriend to the front of the restaurant, leaving Edward and Jonathan alone together for the first time since the evening began. Once he was certain that Harley and Ivy were out of sight, Jonathan reached his hand out to clasp Edward's. Edward started a bit at the contact, but quickly relaxed, lacing his fingers with Jonathan's. 

"I know you're not having too much fun tonight Jon," Edward said apologetically, giving his hand a light squeeze. "But thank you for coming along anyway."

Jonathan shrugged. The things he did for this man. "You owe me," he said.

Edward brought Jonathan's hand to his mouth and gave it a quick kiss. "When we get home tonight, I'll let you keep the mask on," he said and gave Jonathan a mischievous smile that made his blood start to run warm. He was about to suggest that the two of them find a quiet, private and somewhat sanitary part of the restaurant when Harley's voice reached the two of them.

"Eddie! Professah Crane! Check this out!"

Jonathan stifled a curse as Edward let go of his hand and reached down to pick up his cane. "Let's go see what she wants before she comes back here." Jonathan made sure his gauntlet was filled before he followed Edward. One could never be too careful.

Jonathan and Edward walked to where Harley's voice had come from and found her standing in front of a stage. When she saw them, she pointed excitedly to the stage. "Look! It's Wall E. Weasel and his Muskrat Jamboree!"

Jonathan looked up at the stage and he had to admit, even the self proclaimed Master of Fear was taken aback a bit. There were four animatronics onstage, a weasel and three muskrats, each holding a bluegrass instrument and dressed in what Jonathan could only guess was a Gothamite's interpretation of Appalacian attire. Age had not been kind to them, the weasel especially looking possessed, with it's jaw wide open and teeth on display. The exaggerated smiles on their faces only added to their unsettling nature. Jonathan considered them. These abominations plus his fear toxin and a crowd of patrons....there were some delicious possibilities there.

Ivy stood off to the side, her disdainful look replaced with a sardonic one. "Does this bring back any childhood memories, Professor Crane?"

Jonathan pulled a face. "Hardly. I'm from Georgia, remember?" He took another look at the animatronics. They really were demonic. Grandmother Keeny would call for an exorcist if she could see them.

Harley hopped over to where Edward stood and pulled on his arm. "Eddie! Can you turn them on?"

Edward scoffed. "Well of course I can Harley. The better question is why I would."

Harley's face fell. "Aww, come on Eddie! Don't you wanna hear the Muskrat Jamboree?"

"I'd rather hear Valentino sing Turandot!"

Jonathan exchanged a long-suffering look with Ivy. "Just do it Edward so we can move on."

Edward gave Jonathan an affonted look. "Jonathan, whose side are you on!?"

"The side that gets us out of this hellhole sooner."

Harley stuck her tongue out at him. "Says the guy who took us to the crypts when it was his turn!"

"Compared to this place, the crypts are more hospitable," Jonathan defended.

"Stop!" Ivy suddenly hissed. "Did you hear that?"

Jonathan paused and listened carefully. He heard footsteps coming towards them from the front door. He looked at Edward. "Get ready for a fight," he said adjusting his gantlet.

A large black shadow appeared before them before Edward could reply. "Alright you four," Batman growled out. "It's over. Give up peacefully."

Harley scowled. "Back off Bats! You're ruining our date night!" She wagged her finger at him. "I'm telling Kitty on you!"

For a brief moment, Jonathan swore he saw Batman hesitate. Then the moment passed and the vigilante glared at them. "Last warning."

Edward stepped forward then, an arrogant smirk on his face. "Riddle me this Dark Knight: how does one bat fare against four Rogues?" He looked over at Jonathan. "Shall we dearest?"

Jonathan felt a cold smile come to his face. "After you darlin'," he said getting his toxin ready. Perhaps these 'date nights' could be productive after all.

 


End file.
